I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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