I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You can't special order awesome
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
