honey bunches of taint.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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