I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
