Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
