It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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