Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
