So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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