We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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