Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
