i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
