just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
