Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize