my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
