dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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