So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
