This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
