do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
