i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
