tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
