i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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