We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
