Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
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