Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Im part way to drunk.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
