1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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