I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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