need another drink. this is the easiest way
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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