I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
