Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
