he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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