After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
