i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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