can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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