It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
