I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
