We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
