It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
