I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
