Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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