Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize