Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
