My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize