Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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