Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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