I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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