When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
