Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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