did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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