I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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