he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
