I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
