Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
