Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize