Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
