Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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