hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
is it fun? or sober?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
