He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize