I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
