Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
