ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
