OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
