I cockslap morals
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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