Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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