Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
