I just made out with a guy for $7.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
