Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
